We got to talk about where it all started, and what has changed over the past 6 years, but more importantly, how these parties have pushed people to come together as a community, to create opportunity for our own local economy. Craig is an exceptionally humble person, with an extremely fun life. A fetish traditionalist, who constantly works hard so that we, the audience, can have a great experience. Sometimes the world leads you in the direction that you’ll be most needed, and it seems to be that way with Craig. Having fallen into promoting, with no grand scheme, he has become a staple to the Canadian Fetish community, and has included everyone along the way.

Stephanie: Congratulations on your 6 year anniversary! In what ways has Subspace changed over the years?

Craig Galbraith: Thank you. All I can say is that it has evolved.  We still get a lot of people that used to come out to the ‘Random Fetish Events’ (the parties that pre-dated and eventually evolved into Subspace) so there has been some longevity there. My marketing strategy, if I have one, is to encompass everyone. I’m a Fetish traditionalist so I believe everybody should feel welcome, no matter what age group, no matter what body type, no matter what skill level, as long as you are polite enough to go along with it.

That was the whole philosophy we had. If you’re into Fetish, you’re into Fetish. Because of that, we’ve had to come up with a very strange formula of stage shows. For example, I can get a porn star to go on stage with a dildo, but have really no elaborate stage presence, or I can hire a fantastic aerial artist who will wow the crowd, but really has nothing to do with Fetish. So it’s a delicate balance between the two of finding an entertaining act that will still be Fetish related. We usually end up bringing in European acts. Canada seems to still be a little reserved — I’m not sure why, it’s just that way — but the European names also draw the crowds, so it works.

So, to answer your question, it has evolved with its audience. We do cater to a young crowd, but we still have the devoted, very experienced players that have been coming out for years. They might not mesh all the time, but the young crowd has learned to respect them — that’s important, you are educating on that level. What I love about the more experienced players is that they are always willing to answer questions and be friendly, even though that may be the silliest question. They won’t be condescending, they actually take their time explaining and educating. That’s how a lot of our workshops that we do here at the Subspace Dungeon get referenced. People who come here for a class feel comfortable coming to the parties here, it’s a whole circular cycle of classes, parties, and nightclub.

S: Thats incredible. So what do you think we can expect in the next 6 years to come?

CG: Well, that’s an open-ended question. I never set out to do this as a job, and I hated my old job, so one day I quit and had to think of ways to survive. I’m not getting rich doing Subspace, but I’m doing okay, so I thought I’d give it couple of years to see what I could make of it.  I would just say that it’s going to keep evolving like it has done in the past 6 years.

As far as themes for events, in the past I’ve always stuck to what I like — the darker, edgy side of Fetish. Now, I still make my own choices, but I’m much more open to what’s going on. I don’t really get tired of it because it’s still a hobby for me and I keep it like that. Ill keep doing them as long as they’re fun.

S: Recently, you put on an event in Edmonton. How did the West receive Subspace? And do you have plans to bring Subspace to any other Canadian cities, or possibly even internationally?

CG: Yes, we franchised out to Edmonton, and we’ve done two events there. The first one did really well, it didn’t quite sell out, but then the second event we sold out.  And, yes, as far as internationally it’s still early days, but we will be going out to LA. I’ve teamed up with Torture Garden performer, Miss Crash, to put on some events down there so that’s really exciting.

S: Fantastic. Now, lets talk about Torture Garden 2013, the 5th year it’s come to Toronto. What can we expect?

CG:  I went for the artistic angle last year for Torture Garden so this year I’m going with a completely different approach. This year I’ve totally changed my strategy. Last year, I tried to stretch out all the performances over all three nights, and try to make this big weekend event out of it, but it didn’t really work. So, this year, all the entertainment is going to be on the Saturday night, and the Friday and Sunday are going to be crazy-ass house parties so I’ve booked very different clubs this year.

I’m a person of community so this year were going to Wonderland 4 All and Oasis, just trying to include and incorporate all the different clubs around the city. Thursday night is going to be a VIP night here at the Subspace Dungeon for all the models, performers, and VIP ticket holders. Friday night we booked Club Wicked because we did our original launch party there 5 years ago and it was just amazing. On Saturday during the day we always have seminars, we’ve gone full circle with education this year.

The 101 classes that we have here are crazy, we’re doing  fun demos with an educational element to them. After that we have Saturday night where all our international performers will be, and then at 2 am Wonderland 4 All opens for the after party. Its quite close to the venue, so easy to get to, plus there’s gonna be a DJ from Montreal. On Sunday, I’ve rented the entire three  floors of Oasis all day. We’re gonna be doing a photo shoot at midnight for anyone wearing latex in the pool that wants to participate, and then Monday is the holiday for May 24 weekend, so I’ve invited people back out to Oasis the next day if anyone has any energy left.

S: Wow! what a full scale celebration. Your really trying to involve everyone this year.

CG: Of course, look at what it’s doing in Toronto. It gives us a sense of community. It gives us a sense of family and becoming closer.  And its wider spread than a lot of people think. From hotels and restaurants, to adult stores, custom latex companies, the list goes on. And there’s no money involved, just cross promotion because of one event. That’s what really amazes me. Subspace means a lot of different things to different people. To some, it can be a place to let the real you out for a few hours, and then go back to your regular life. To others they might find life-long friends, lovers, and playmates there. If you look at the distances some of these people come from to attend these parties, it’s absolutely incredible, especially with events like Torture Garden. This year we will have attendees from both the UK and Japan.

S: Well, on behalf of everyone, thank you for continuing to put on these events. It’s extremely important that they exist, and continue to evolve so that we can gain a better understanding of ourselves and our community.

CG: Its has been my pleasure.

Torture Garden is upon us! Seduction’s change rooms are full of excited attendees frantically searching for their outfits for this weekend. If you haven’t gotten your ticket yet, tickets are still available at Northbound Leather, Borderline, and He & She Clothing. If your still looking for those last minute outfits and accessories, Seduction is located at Yonge and Wellesley (577 Yonge St.), and is open until 12am every night, and 10pm on Sundays.

Have an excellent weekend, and we will see you next week on xoxoamore for our Torture Garden review!

Photo Credit: Amanda Berk

Respect extends well beyond the respect partners must have for each other: it includes the respect our society should have for talking and thinking about sex; the respect we must have for sexual identities that are different from our own; and respecting our current and future partners by practicing safe sex. In this way, respect encompasses differences in gender identity, family organization, sexual preference, kink, sex drive, and more. It also includes respecting sex as a normal part of life — good, straight-forward sexual education should begin in childhood, and be a life-long process.

In this line of thinking, there’s no such thing as abnormal sexual behaviour: a polyamorous household is as respectable as a married couple, a queer family is as valid as a hetero pairing, and an asexual person with no sex drive is as worthy of a relationship as someone who wants daily sex. The key is non-judgmental empathy — even if you don’t understand how another person has arrived at their sexual identity, sex-positive allies know that everyone is on their own sexual journey. 

Consent is an exceptionally important element of sex-positive behaviour. It’s more than just permission, it’s understanding that, for a sexual encounter to be pleasurable and hold mutual respect, each partner must be fully aware of the act and its consequences. This moves beyond the traditional “no means no” template, and needs consent to be enthusiastically given.

Therefore, if a sexual partner is feeling pressured, or thinks saying no will have negative repercussions, consent is compromised. It means that if someone is unable to verbalize or understand their consent — often the case when drugs or alcohol are involved, or when the person is a minor — it hasn’t been granted. Even if someone consents, they have the right to change their mind, and just because they’ve done something once doesn’t mean they consent to that act forever. Negotiating consent should be fun — talking about what you feel comfortable with leads to sexual empowerment.

Pleasure is a keystone of sex-positivity, and it recognizes that the best reason to have sex is because it feels good. We’ve often been taught that sex is for love, or marriage, or baby-making — and different sexual encounters may draw on those factors — but really, sex is about pleasure.

Pleasure may mean different things to different people.  Asexual people may simply want to spend time with their partner, while BDSM scenes often combine pain with pleasure for a unique experience. For couples who are trying to conceive, pleasure often goes out the window when fertility peaks; for one-night stands, it’s not unusual for one partner to remain unsatisfied. Becoming sex-positive means remembering that pleasure should be a top goal in every sexual encounter, for every participant.

Anti-sex-positive behaviour and language takes many forms: from placing blame on the victims of sexual assault, to transphobia, to making assumptions about sex workers and work, to poor sexual education, and more. Creating sex-positivity isn’t always easy…

Being open and honest about your own experiences and preferences is a great place to start. Remember that pleasure, consent and respect form the basis of any healthy sexual interaction, and if you don’t feel like those three fundamentals are being met, it’s time to reassess. Hold your sexual partners to the same high standards. Exploring non-traditional sexual identities might help you fully understand what satisfies you personally. It may not be exactly what you expected, and it may shift over time.

If you feel yourself judging someone’s sexual identity, pause for a moment and check in. Does their non-monogamy feel threatening because your own relationship hasn’t fully addressed jealousy? Does his kink seem weird because it doesn’t align with yours? Exploring your discomfort can help you transform it from a liability to a learning experience. Turning a critical eye on others and questioning their anti-sex-positive behaviour or language can be scary, but it can also help them arrive at the same conclusion you have: that good sex starts with consent, pleasure, and respect. And good sex should be everyone’s goal.

Held at The Great Hall (1087 Queen St. W), this Subspace was packed with over 500+ attendees dressed up in furry ears, tails, leashes and collars to match. Subspace is always a kaleidoscope of different sexual orientations — all smiling, excited, and having a good time — truly a Cinderella night out for those that can’t indulge in the BDSM lifestyle everyday. It’s a party that has evolved with its audience, and has brought our community together. If you are into Fetish, than you are welcome here. There are a few rules such as dress code and acceptable dungeon behavior, but only to keep everyone safe so that we can all have fun. Over the past 6 years, Subspace has had its ups and downs, but every time I attend I’m left with an overwhelming feeling of family and connection in what we love and fear to indulge in.

Subspace has brought the Toronto Fetish community together in so many ways and, because of that, it has also been a launching ground for many Canadian businesses. Every month, we at Seduction see it first hand. We always cater to the Subspace crowd and help them find whatever they need, be it bunny ears, corsets, shoes, collars, restraints, and everything in-between.  Many custom latex companies have also used the Subspace events to network and build the specific clientele they need. At the 6 year anniversary party, local latex company Ego Assassin launched their new line, COLONY. It was an extremely interactive launch as photographers and designers worked together to create a social media stir, snapping pictures of attendees with Ego Assassin models for a chance to win some shiny new latex. Subspace has proven to be a huge driving force in helping our community push forward — bringing out new business, new people and new opportunity.

The highlight of the night was a flesh hook suspension performance by renowned Toronto suspension group iWasCured, it was the perfect climax to the perfect night. The crowd gathered around a masked figure suspended in  lotus position (2 hooks in the back, 2 just above the knees, and 2 in the calves, to form a sitting position), flying over the crowd, personifying the achievement of impossible acts — especially during the finale, when iWasCured had two girls hold on to a wooden bar placed across the legs of the masked figure being suspended, to add another (minimum) 200lbs to his already seemingly impossible task. The crowd was electric, not one person could look away. It was a mixture of disbelief, shock, and awe, and for a select few, perhaps a little too real. But whatever your perspective, I think we can all admit, that it was an incredible performance that left us all moved and asking questions. We all look for the extreme, even if when we find it, we wished we hadn’t. But it is something psychological that we search for. At one point or another we all go searching for the unknown, and whether you noticed or not, we got to see a glimpse of it that Saturday night.

Subspace is a different experience for everyone that walks through its doors — it’s what you make of it. The more you interact, the more you get out of it. After these past 6 years, some would argue that it’s just another monthly Fetish event, but others would argue that they have found life-long friends, partners, playmates, lovers, and maybe even themselves along the way. It’s a safe place to celebrate the things that make us different, and yet all so similar. A place where you can forget the stress of everyday life, put on a mask, and step into a second skin. A sanctuary for the sexual mind’s eye.  So, if you haven’t made it out yet, and you are into Fetish, know that you are always welcome. We are all here together to experience our own individual subspace, and sometimes all we need is a few like-minded people to show us the ropes first.

Subspace events are held every month at The Great Hall, 1087 Queen St W. You can find more information about Subspace on their Facebook  and on their website. And, if you’re looking for your next outfit or Fetish accessory, come visit us at Seduction Love Boutique, located at Yonge and Wellesley.

Next on xoxoamore, you can read my in-depth interview with Craig Galbraith, the man behind the Subspace brand, as we catch up with him at his Studio Dungeon. Torture Garden, the BIGGEST Fetish event of the year, is just days away too. Do you have your tickets yet? Find them at www.TortureGardenToronto.com

Have you clicked that ‘like’ button on Facebook yet for xoxoamore? How about a subscription to our Youtube channel? Better do it now while this video is still fresh. See you next week!

On this Wednesday’s video, we’ll be talking about stockings, garter belts and how they can add some sensuality to your outfit.

The New Wave is long and has a lot of different ways to be held. Making it an ideal toy for foreplay. My partner was able to hold the New Wave in a number of ways that didn’t get in the way with the overall foreplay/sexual experience. The New Wave also has two different penetration ends, giving you plenty of options.

When using the toy myself, I noticed how easy and useful it was to have such a long “handle”. You can get yourself into many different positions, if you’re like me and find it amusing to mix aerobics with masturbating. And if not, well, the New Wave can pretty much be used in any position for whichever hole you are trying to please.

I did stop after a while because I got a little bored using a non-vibrating toy internally when I could be using one of my vibrating toys. I decided to see how the New Wave would feel and look when being used as a strapless strap-on. While the New Wave would/could/should give the wearer much more stimulation while being used in the strap-on sense, I found my Tantus/Sportsheet strap-on to be more comfortable. Either the silicone of the New Wave has too much friction, or I just wasn’t lubricated enough. But regardless, I could not get either end of the New Wave to sit comfortably while modeling it for its strap-on purposes.

When I tried, I found my clit hitting this nub at the middle of the New Wave that is “designed for clitoral stimulation.” This really was uncomfortable, and maybe it’s just because of my piercing, but I could see that getting really annoying when being used as a strap-on (for me, at least). I feel that with the shape of each penetration end, the New Wave would be better used either for masturbation, foreplay, or just as a basic double-ender (for single use or couples). As a strap-on it’s a little weird to maneuver because the ends are hard to get a good grip on, maybe with more kegel strength this wouldn’t be a problem.

Good thing the New Wave is medical grade silicone, making it easy to clean and safe to use between partners and entrance holes. Just be sure to clean the toy after every use.

Don’t forget to follow us on twitter at xoxoamore_TO!

Gengoroh Tagame has been credited with redefining gay manga — he draws barrel-chested brutes with giant moustaches and muscular thighs locked in manacles and straining to orgasm. They’re a far cry from then wispy bishonen boys of yaoi — his characters are policemen, private eyes, boxers, and fighters. They exist in worlds basically devoid of women. Their sex is usually violent and often barely consensual. Bondage and sadomasochism often comes up, and it’s not delicate silk scarves — every prickly fiber of the hemp rope is meticulously drawn. This genre is called bara -- created by gay men, for gay male readers — and it doesn’t shy away from the conflicted inner lives of characters who discover, often to their dismay, they actually secretly want this.

The book is beautifully assembled. A glossy black-and-white cover is discreetly slip-covered with a red embossed sleeve which hides some less-than-PG images: sweaty, mustachioed men are locked in a kiss on the front cover, while another is petulantly gagged on the back. The book is bound in the traditional back-to-front order of manga books. Two introductions lead the volume, one by renowned graphic novelist Chip Kidd and another by pioneering gay novelist Edmund White, and most of the stories are epilogued by a note of explanation or insight from Tagame himself.  It also includes a sketchbook, giving readers a sneak peek into Tagame’s creative process.

The influence of traditional Japanese woodcut is evident, but the clear, detailed frames are often juxtaposed with anime-style explosions of line and dynamic composition in the sex scenes. The shift between the two styles underlines the violent nature of the sex, as does the veritable gallons of body fluids — these characters sweat, orgasm, shit, bleed, and piss on a breathtaking scale. Tagame comfortably flips between modern-day settings and historical stories, and while his plots are never particularly complex, his drawings set the scenes and sketch out character traits in a quick, easy-to-grasp way. Readers who don’t read a lot of manga shouldn’t be afraid to start here.

It should be noted that the stories are often brutal — there are rape and torture scenes, something that is palatable and even pleasurable for some is definitely not everyone’s cup of tea. The sex is at the forefront of the stories, as is the violence, and the character’s struggle to understand and accept their own arousal. For fans of bara or gay manga, the release of The Passion of Gengoroh Tagame represents a huge step forward for the artist and the genre in the English-language world. Definitely worth checking out.

Interested in learning more? Gengoroh Tagame will be appearing at the 2013 Toronto Comic Arts Festival (May 11-12), including a Queer Mixer with Maurice Vellekoop.  Please see their event listing for full details.

Special thanks to The Beguiling for providing a copy of  The Passion of Gengoroh Tagame. Please visit them at 601 Markham Street in Toronto for more sexy comics.